Introduction

I’ve always protested the statement in the Bible; that humans are all born with sin and inequity. However; today I am in agreement to a degree. I believe that we were all born with negative mental programs that   are  keeping us from experiencing life with more consistent joy, peace and universal unconditional brotherly love. Those are the things that would allow us to experience the heavenly conditions that most crave but doubt as a possibility. Therefore we appease ourselves with thoughts of gaining same in an afterlife with a God at a destination unknown.

And now, after listing to many unconventional thinkers, and seeing how my own life has unfolded, especially since the last two months, I am sure that the faulty belief systems that brought us to this point in our collective human evolution, is the only thing keeping us from experiencing the heavenly life conditions, that has been conceived by past ancestors and reinforced by modern humans for millenniums now.

Today a greater number of humans know instinctively that the beliefs we inherited from so many past generations hold just a fraction of the true answers. And yet; due to the fact that no matter how erroneous and wrong a system may be for the majority, there will always be some who’re benefiting, who will want no other way to come into existence, which would allow a greater number to enjoy the life that we all came into existence to feel; and who will therefore do everything to keep that way operating, they’ll ensure that especially the most oppressed will be so scared and powerless that they must fight the hardest to maintain the same system, just to be allowed to survive at all.

Consequently, in all of the thousands of years that the less preferred system has consistently benefited the least, at the expense of the majority, that system has been able to built up the degree of momentum, where the lowest levels who gain the least amount of crumbs, are doing just as expected. Which is; to fight the hardest to protect the existing status quo. This therefore is the realization that must be understood by any who (after ascending from the bottom of the barrel) feels compelled to teach others how to achieve their own ascent.

Words Are Loaded With Powerful Positive And Negative Programmings To Influence Us Towards Or Against Fulfilling Our Desires, Whether We’re Aware Or Not.

Many reasonable persons can now see that when white humans created dictionaries (during the time that they enslaved black humans into the worst form of enslavement that humans had ever experienced) which defined black humans as: evil, wicked, without morals, worthy of condemnation, dirty, ugly and much more negative things, while to themselves they applied a long list of positives, that black humans worldwide, could hardly avoid growing to hate ourselves more than we do others, and therefore work for the betterment of everyone, more than ourselves.

Add to that the notion that the God (whom we’re told is responsible for creating everyone) has singled out black people as cursed and sinful, and it should become clear to anyone seeking the emancipation of black humans from Mental Enslavement, that more than any other race or group of humans, black people need to completely re-examine everything that this Western System of Global Influence has us believing about ourselves -still today.

It does not need humans with PhD’s to understand that we can’t have deities claiming some people as Chosen and some as Cursed, and not have those who believe that they’re Chosen living the good life universally always, while those believing (even if only slightly) that they’re Cursed, living as black humans worldwide are living today.

Any supernatural transcendental being, called God, Allah, Buddha or whatever; who engages the sadistic human quality of needing to divide in order to keep humans subjugated and conquered, should not be assigned the title of God at all. No God would also need to keep favorites and cursed or despised groups. Especially when those chosen as favorites have demonstrated no signs that they’re inherently better than any other group; or those deemed unworthy more evil than anyone else, (except to have consistently displayed more self-sabotaging ways, ever since being acknowledged universally as the most inferior, last and least.

As humans, we’ve always accepted ourselves as imperfect, therefore it should be expected when we do imperfect things, and know that we always have the option to grow and change. But at the same time, we’ve always been told that our deities are perfect beings who can do no wrong, who love everyone unconditionally, who know all things at all times, and so on and so forth. Therefore when such perfect beings as God demonstrate negative ways of humans, and we refuse to see him as human, instead of a perfect God, the distortion we create and choose to maintain in our collective psychic, will forever keep re-implanting itself in the collective human mind consciousness as lies that must have the same impact on humanity as the Sin and Iniquity the Bible states.

Still, its we “ourselves” who’ve created that divine web of lies and impossibilities to live by. Its we who’ve created the inescapable divine conundrums that is keeping so many so unhappy and unfulfilled, wherein  its mostly those whose consciences are least active, who’re most enjoying the treasures of the world.

At this point in the human evolutionary journey, the words God and Sin, just like the world black are so loaded with negativities, that we must decide whether they should be completely discarded, or whether we need to universally craft and institutionalize new meanings to empower the minds of all who must still use them by default. The negative load of those words are so great and so disgusting, that they all automatically activate some degree of resistance that isn’t even consciously realized, but nonetheless, still weakening our collective and individual power to create the lives we prefer.

If We Know That Only Truth Will Fully Set Us Free, Why Do We Choose To Hold Onto Lies Instead?

The world is filled with people who’re Carriers of Trauma Effects; inflicted by abuses of all kinds, like verbal and sexual abuses to wars, or enslavement and holocaust of whole groups. And since the majority of symptoms for the myriad of such events mimic each other, I believe that a universal solution should be envisioned, and taught to children from the earliest ages. A method that could be accessed even by a child kidnapped and kept in captivity from a young age.

I believe it to be possible for even a young child to understand that guaranteed powers are always inside her at all times, which do not depend on whether she is good or bad, naughty or nice, or a child of a deity or not.

If Only I’d Known What I Now Know When I Was Being Abused

My trauma memories came from: (1) unintentional parental abandonment by a mother who left the land of my birth, in search of opportunities to give her children a better life than she had; but which worked opposite to her good intents. (2) A father who became insane/schizophrenic soon after my mother left him with 8 children, ages eighteen to one and a half (3) Sexual abuse from ages 7-14, which may or may not have happened if my mother had stayed with her 8 children, instead of leaving them to essentially fend for ourselves, and end up being split-up amongst relatives who didn’t know how to love any but themselves. (4) Having a (Body Odor Disorder)  condition or Trimethylaminuria, which also carries some of the same psychological stress as abuse.

Like many whose formative years were consistent with, insecurity, abuse  and persistent confusion, I was programmed to constantly sabotage my otherwise good efforts for the happiness and success I sought in life. In retrospect I now see that I must’ve been so afraid of listening to my own inner instructions to fulfill my own needs, that I engaged and maintained constant chatter with any with whom I shared space. My mind was always busy, trying to figure out how I could resolve any problems I perceived others to be having, and offering advice where none was being requested, nor was appreciated much of the time.

From a badly sabotaged childhood I became a most dysfunctional mother at ages 18 and again at 24. And thus with no incidents for acknowledgement or correction at any point in my life since the first incident of childhood disruption, my children had to experience a mother who always looked out for the best interest of myself and them, after the interest of others were served. And yet, to my surprise, now that I know better while looking back, my children became decent humans now with families of their own. Struggling with their own issues, like so many children of dysfunctional parenting, but nothing as serious as many others whose dysfunctional upbringing has caused them to end up in Prisons repeatedly, or for the rest of their lives.

So today I am giving myself a PhD for becoming who I have become, and being responsible for some of the good values that I see in my children, in- spite of the dysfunctions they witnessed in me in their formative years. As I examine myself today, I believe that my biggest problem is my need to have others acknowledge that I am right, when they don’t want to, and therefore with every new attempt to have others see my point, the more I increase their resistance and discontent for me. Interestingly, self-defeating feelings of guilt, shame, less than, self-blame, self-pity and periods of debilitating depression over and over again I don’t feel are big deals to me anymore. Yet I still get engaged in trying to have others see my point, only to be rejected, rebuked, and condemned more strongly, the more I try.

Since I started this journey of self-revolution and healing, some close to me are still insisting that my strong vocalization on the subject of racism, makes me a racist. Things that I thought others also saw as wrong before, I have been told that only I saw them as wrong. Where I thought that I had support in my perspective/conviction, I now hear otherwise, as if I had been in denial about my reality for such a long time, which I find hard to believe.

I have been told that I alone was the problem in the situation that literally broke the proverbial camel’s back. This I know to be false from the bottom of my heart, but I alone hold this view. And I am not yet firmly rooted, in having no need to defend myself against that charge, but I am definitely getting there. I find that even black people when they can find nothing else to convict another black person with, will resort to saying that he/she hates whites. Even when NO ONE can honestly provide one instance of me taking any action towards any white person, which could be construed as being racist or anti-white. That is my current reality today.

“All truths pass through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.”–Arthur (Schopenhauer -German philosopher, 1788-1860)

“For too long a majority of silent enablers, have allowed the greatest of truths; (for the creation of the greatest degree of equity for the earth’s resources, and the most happiness and peace amongst mankind) to go through the stages of: Denial. Ridicule. Violent Opposition. Then if those have still failed to silence the truth revealer, Recrimination. Eventually, whether the truth revealer is silenced by death or legal maneuvers, his/her truth will be accepted as Self-Evident.

So today, after millenniums of said mindset and M.O. (that was never in    the best interest of the majority, and with better information about our interconnectedness as ONE already eternal human family) we no longer need to remain silently complicit to the unwitting endorsement of laws, actions and regulations that are only in the best interest of an elite few. And let’s remember, that no one is completely innocent to his victimization.        As eternal beings, everyone must be an active player to whatever he is receiving, to some degree. Please remember that, those who’re now silently suffering, and ensure that the Golden Rule is not only making you “your brother’s keeper, but most importantly, the best keeper of yourself!”                                                                                                                          (Expanded by Ripuree -21st Century Blogger/Commenter)

               Many New Ways Of Thinking Already Exist

Many of the ideas and institutions that define our culture are breaking down — and that’s a good thing, say Bruce Lipton and Steve Bhaerman. In their 2010 book, Spontaneous Evolution: Our Positive Future and a Way to Get There from Here, they write that today’s crises are part of a natural process: clearing out what no longer serves us to make room for a new way of being. Are they cockeyed optimists or do they see things others miss?

Reality is alive, dynamic and interconnected. Science has been saying so for nearly a century, and we experience it every time we walk on a beach or look into another’s eyes. Yet most of our cultural, societal, political and economic structures act as if it’s not so. We can no longer afford to indulge outdated worldviews. In order to deal with the crises we now face, we’ve got to act on the new realities and understandings revealed by science. http://www.alternet.org/visions/ideas-and-institutions-holding-society-are-disintegrating

From my level of understanding, people like Mr. Lipton are saying that     our consciousness, awareness, new preferences etc., that come out of experiencing ways that we no longer prefer, demand and bring about evolution. This is consistent with others who talk much about laws of nature that govern our lives. The Law of attraction for example is the silent manager of our thoughts, feelings and intentions to ensure that we get what those thoughts, feelings, actions and intentions match, even though we often can’t see, how that could be so.

It is very hard to see that obsessing constantly about not wanting to get CANCER is keeping the vibration of CANCER active in ourselves, and therefore making it easier to GET CANCER. On the other hand, constantly envisioning yourself healthy overall, with lots of energy and vitality, and developing constant feelings to match being healthy, is keeping healthy vibrations active, to maintain that state.

So if the universe is already set up to manifest the new preferences/realities we envision, then it should be true that we do have the ability to “forget and move on” as easily as some people ask others to do. Unfortunately, while that is possible, and some healers suggest that their patients should just do it, the dominant and conventional philosophies and belief systems that inform our sensibilities, do not support the ways that would make us just forget and move on.

If we were just like a predatory animal, who, after all efforts to catch a meal fails, (and the prey he attacked might have turned the table on him) just stretches out his body and move on, holding no grudge to be avenged, or     to cause extensive suffering in that predator’s mind; then we could effortlessly forget any bad event and move on. But we’re not, and we need more pondering in order to do something similar, with just as much effect.

By expecting people to easily forget and move on, when all of our root philosophies say that we’re not even the true owners of ourselves, and our true will is the will of unknown beings, creates such a mental tug of war, that further splinter our minds. By default therefore, our efforts and faith to end internal suffering relatively quickly, has been blocked by the opposition of messages from our influencing philosophies, and what is expected of us.

We’re subconsciously terrorized by such impossible conundrums (I believe). Leading some to compensate for their fear/terror by developing the “survival of the fittest” and “dog eat dog” characteristics, in hopes to keep others below them and thereby forever secure whatever they’ve gained. This however induces more stress from constant fear that a top dog cover may not always hold up, and vulnerability or loopholes will be discovered and undermined some day.

Still others will turn that fear/terror inwards on themselves, and become the unwitting easy prey, for those who turn their fear/terror outwards of themselves. Obviously, abundant evidence is showing that none of those ways are significantly increasing the happiness, peace and prosperity of so many who so critically need it today. We must find ways that are easily and universally applicable, for all of mankind to utilize and bring about a greater majority to be happy, most of the time.

Terror Management Theory + Abuse Trauma

Added to the above stress that comes from trying to keep up the charade of always being number one, is another more universal fear/terror, from the idea called Terror Management Theory. This theory speculates that while all humans would prefer to live forever, we know that death is inevitable for all. Therefore, the terror of absolute annihilation creates such a profound (albeit subconscious) anxiety in people that we spend our lives creating values in hopes of distracting ourselves from considering our mortality. We’re also social beings with a strong need for bonding and connections, and if we can’t bond with other humans, we’ll find thing and activities to bond with, some of which will be bound to set us up against the law.

So How Can We Overcome So Many Avenues For Pain, Fear, Terror And Unhappiness In The World?

Trauma from childhood sexual abuse doesn’t leave one’s psychic as one moves from childhood to adulthood. It stays with us for life, and make us extra good at some things (especially on behalf of others) while extra bad when it comes to creating personal satisfaction for ourselves. I would also venture to say that the majority of us carry the adverse effects to our graves, because society has not yet found effective ways to help suffering carriers change in significantly concrete ways.

Post Trauma from childhood sexual abuse, by itself (I believe) directly and indirectly affects nearly 100% of humanity, and it has been compounding from the days when deities supposedly walked amongst humans. Then add that to the many other after effects of other kinds of abuse and trauma, plus dysfunctions induced from terror of our mortality, and it must be admitted that the world has had a pandemic of Mental Health problems, for a long time, which is yet to accepted and comprehensively addressed.

Still it’s not too late for effective modes of release to be employed. At the root of all of our: fears, terror, pains, oppression and suppression, is the inability of all of us, to easily and automatically practice the Golden Rule which would more easily allow all to give and get love. We have the means today to resolve the world’s greatest of problems, with the simple application of Golden Rule as the key to allowing the energy/vibration of Love to mutually flow. And if we get started now, mothers of the world who’re impacted by sexual abuse trauma would immediately have more ease and peace of mind; and the health of the world could exponentially increase -in record time.

Healthy Selfishness and Self Love Must Be Taught At the Youngest Age

For humanity to start healing in one fell swoop, children must be taught from the youngest ages, to love themselves and seek to feel happy and good more than to remain marinating in feelings of: shame, guilt and endless remorse over things that went wrong. Conventional ways of thinking and treatment should no longer be attempted as the only way to heal the massive amount of mentally compromised and declining humans that share our earth home.

I am not dreaming about a utopia. I am not suggesting an absolute answer for all times. But I am suggesting that we should absolutely make the Golden Rule and the mutual release of Love as default considerations in everything we think, do, intend and propose towards removing the great pains that so many now daily feel worldwide. I am coming from the perspective of one who’s lived a long time with never-ending mind trauma from childhood sexual abuse, and only now have I been able to go a day without abundant mind pain.

No Worthwhile God Wants Us To Remain Stuck In Insanity. Therefore We Must Be Courageous To Stop Doing Things That Are Not Working, And Change Our Prevailing Mindset & M.O’s

Our deities have not served us well to keep our minds inoculated from doing sinful and evil things to each other, nor even to see the obvious need for CHANGE. So since the ratio of success for deities intervening and ending oppression is equal or less than that of men doing the same, can we not venture out in courage to allow new ideas to infiltrate our minds? And I know that this will be hard for the majority, but it will be harder to cope with this spreading pandemic, if we insist on doing the same things as have been done for centuries, and changing nothing, but expecting better results.

Why Am I such An Excellent Employee, With No Evidence Paper Trail To Prove?

I am really good at satisfying someone’s physical recovery needs, but my own painful memories often spills over and fouls up interpersonal relationships. I end up pointing out things that I believe can easily be improved, but with few wanting to make changes they did not initiate, my attempts for others to change, and their resistance, soon turn into contempt for myself and those I perceive as guilty, after which I feel compelled to escape.

Consequently, after 35 years in the Caregiving business, (2 as a Registered Midwife, and 33 as an elderly caregiver, interspersed with cleaning: private homes, Nursing Homes, Hotels, move-in/move-out apartment cleaning, as well as new construction); I have amassed no work history to reference, since I usually end up leaving most jobs with some feeling offended by my words.

I now understand that this is common amongst Carriers of Abuse Trauma. Consequently, we continue to unwittingly sabotage our own financial security and success. While the perpetrators of our initial victimization (which splintered our reality) continue in society, often very successful,       to victimize and mess up the lives of many more, without being punished or expressing remorse. Naturally, not all who suffer prolonged and sever childhood abuse end up as severe self-sabotagers. Yet I do believe that every victim, carries strands of trauma to some degree.

Thanks To Oprah, My Eyes Began To Open

Not until Oprah started to talk about sexual abuse on her shows in Chicago in the eighties, did it dawn on me that many, whom the attempt was made upon, said NO and later told others, while many like me kept quiet throughout repeated horrendous ordeals, and still remained quiet years and decades later. The silent shame that we held onto, ate away at our self- esteem. I remember consciously deciding to no longer make any wrongdoing from another become a secret shame for myself anymore.

Somehow along the way however, it must’ve become my mission to disclose seeming pains of others that they were not ready to address or divulge. Today I no longer endorse vocalization as I have done, in the absence of the foundational things I have only now learned. And which would’ve brought about much better results for my efforts to inspire cooperation to improve things for the benefit of all.

My intention to “speak up”, often spilled over to chastise perceived abusers in ways that could not inspire them to want to change. Now I wonder how many times were I overreacting, or only picking up from others things I could condemn, because of pre-conveived need I held to blame someone for something.

This personalized, laywoman’s account came out of this period of deep self-reflection, and I hope it will add something of value, to the amount of scholarly articles that already exist; (articles which are most often written from the perspective of the professional, instead of the accounting of one going through a phase of mental crisis, and trying to work through it by thinking herself out of the familiar depression that usually occurs).

When The Mental Health Of Women Worldwide Is Compromised Global Financial Health And Much More Must Decline

As stated above many stress producing conditions have compromised the Mental Health of mankind. Sexual abuse however is one of the worst destroyers of minds, and it has been too widespread for way too long. An average internet search will provide ample evidence of articles showing the economic impact of sexual violence on communities worldwide. When I started this article (intending to link my job problems to continued repetitive episodes of trauma flare ups, from childhood sexual abuse memories) I intended to heal myself in one day. I didn’t consider that there were already so much evidence supporting what I was saying, even though most of it was about sexual violence that happen to women, and not children.

This means that whatever number is being cited for adults, is quadrupled with the addition of children who’re still enduring the experience, plus the adults who’re still affected by the childhood assaults. The day that I went on the rampage to heal myself instantly was 1/31/2015. Not until 2/9/2015 did I accidentally come across so many articles in support of my point. As I repeatedly edited, I kept being drawn to many other ways in which all of mankind is suffering from so many things that leads to stress, trauma and incessant mind pain. At this time I have done countless edits, and at least 5 name changes. I started out with a short poem but had to change my writing style along the way.

As one article states, we can end sexual violence; because, unlike most traumatic events (disease, natural disasters, accidents) sexual violence            is a human behavior problem, which is completely under our control. And once we have less women especially being bombarded yearly by sexual abuse traumas, then in a few decades, healthy mothers would be filling up the world with healthier human beings overall.

This can be guaranteed since childhood sexual trauma permanently offends its victim’s psychic. And no amount of money can remove the trails of strain; as I’m sure that Oprah and many other rich folks who were so affected, can confirm. And yet; it has continued to be the most silent epidemic, from the time when God (supposedly) walked amongst humans; until it has now become the pandemic, we’re still failing to grasp.

Again, I do believe that at the root of most of mankind’s ailments (physical, mental, financial etc) is unaddressed and unhealed sexual abuse pains. At the same time I also believe that we could incorporate any new preference –individual or collective- in one fell swoop, and greatly heal a lot of such pains, if we could wrap our minds around the fact, that we’re energy beings attracting more of every belief we hold. Therefore, by assiduously stating new preferences (instead of reaffirming “truths” that no longer serve us),   we could quickly be living the outcome of those new truths.

Throughout this period of self-reflection, this is what I have been doing with great success (even if I’m saying so myself). When I started out, my brain was literally pulsating with mental agony; which I now wonder, if going into full blown depression and lethargy would’ve eased. Surprisingly though, maybe because I was determined to end this recurring mind torture, depression simply did not come, as it did every time before.

Still, while I am witnessing something unusual happening to me, by consciously holding onto better feeling thoughts, as therapy, I realize that the vast majority having another episode of unease, would not be able to survive without some sort of legal or illegal drugs. We’ve all been been denied better teachings about self healing for too long. Therefore, it would take a quantum jump to stop reinforcing the true “what is” in favor of “a new preference”, envisioned and affirmed as often as we did “what is, that became what was”. Faking it until you make it, is good advise after all, I now see.

If we’d first been taught to see the power we call Allah, Buddha or God as inside of every human, or as an inalienable aspect of us; and not somewhere outside us, like up above; then it would be easier to stop holding onto unwanted thoughts, and start building up momentum with new ones. But we were not, so it is not useful when we’re told to “forget and move on”, as one Psychiatrist told me, when I went to him for help.

We’re Eternal Energy/Consciousness Experiencing Being Human. We Do Have Time To Gradually And Incrementally Manifest Any Change In An Eternal Lifespan

Some of us are getting great results by teaching ourselves to see that humans are mostly energy beings, with a smidgen of our energy extended into our physical selves. Our consciousness, which we’re individually customizing, is already eternal, and can only be transformed, but not destroyed by death.

When we really get that, we can more easily take full responsibility for whatever we’re experiencing, and eliminate “why mes”. Seeing ourselves as energy beings more than physical, makes life (with all of its good and bad) seem more fair. And as long as we can see a glimmer of fairness, in an eternal journey, then it becomes easier to hold onto newly imagined realities until they manifest in our lives as new defaults.

On the other hand, it becomes too big a strain for many to accept completely  that a God who loves us all equally, allows so much abuse to happen to some, while bestowing only blessings on others. And that is, irregardless of how bad the actions of some winners are, or how consistently good others are who just as consistently lose.

Certainly there are many in the world who’re not bombarded by the degree of mind strain and stress, that has so far disallowed any conventional modalities to help them much. Many find solace by accepting that a deity  has a better life waiting for them after leaving this earth. But judging by the increasing numbers of Mentally Traumatized persons, it is clear that there’s space for something that is more cost effective, self-applicable on demand, and therefore able to reach anyone, anywhere at anytime, no matter what conditions prevail.

In The Presence Of Chronic Doubt & Fear Stay Focused On A Newly Imagined Reality Anyway.

Above all else, it is important for one in the midst of a repeated episode of feelings of failure, self-pity, suicide or murder ideations, to remember that if we’re all already eternal energy beings having human experiences, then the growth we don’t attain in this lifetime, we must return to attend to again, starting from whatever point we last left off. That would mean that if all we can achieve is to change our feelings/mood from sad to happy, by laughing about something silly for a few seconds, before our last breath, then whenever we come back, switching from any state to happy, would be something we’d have achieved, and therefore most likely would not have to succumb to depression and mind pain as we did in this lifetime. The ability to just ponder these things in a state of joyful ease, with intentions to activate it on demand when we need it, will help us to remember more quickly in depressed or hurting states.

If We Think That We Can Or Can’t We’re Right. That’s A Personal Truth

Whatever reality we’re perceiving and believing is the “true” reality for us. And it matters not whether its bad or good, and whether no one else can see it the way we do. Whatever is decided and held in our mind as truth or lie, is truth or lie for us. At the same time, it is also true that any reality can change at any moment on an individual as well as collective stage. Historically we can point to many things that were considered truth (even irrefutable scientific truths) at some point, but now no more. This is also true in the scientific, medical and all other fields.

There was a time (for example) when world opinion declared it as “irrefutable truth” that black humans were not full humans. And most definitely inferior to whites. That was just a lie, perpetrated by some whites for all blacks to deffer our lives to all with white skin, and remain as passive and complicit parties to the destruction of ourselves.

Yet, even while holding the concept of black inferiority, some whites again unwittingly acknowledged black blood to be so powerful; that just one drop of it, made anyone containing it black. Now the new truth is that there’s only one human race, which most likely started in black Africa, then spread out to acquire new adaptation changes in color and other features, as newer climates dictates.

So our truths might be a lot more subjective, and a lot less objective than we’ve been schooled to believe. Nonetheless; even when a white majority were making their most important decisions based on complete and obvious lies, they still managed to attract to themselves great wealth and power, and maintained it to bequeath it to continuing generations of heirs.

Simultaneously, blacks, who on some levels accepted those lies about us from the Bible and supposed scientifically irrefutable data, collectively accepted the notions of self-inferiority; and today that reality is still obvious amongst us worldwide. It means therefore, that no one has to be good, honest or godly, in order for good things to consistently happen to them.  Nor should we believe any longer that chronic failures are due to being inherently bad. Over and over we continue to see some of the most evil of men being the most successful, while some of the kindest remain the poorest throughout their lives.

No Woman Is An Island, But Believing That You Do Won’t Hurt You In The Least

The easiest and quickest route to getting everything that you want consistently is to become most consistent in your self love and self care. And it matters not if you have no qualms about stepping over everyone in order to get what you want. Once you can maintain the feelings to care only about your best interest at the expense of others, or not, then you’re most likely to remain getting those intentions that you constantly emit.

I have a friend who fully believes that she is an island and needs no one else. My friend is financially savvy and successful, and therefore can afford to purchase any need that money can buy. Because she has no money worries she easily fools herself that way. And fool herself is what I mean, since my friend is the most socially needy person I have ever known.

Like a lot of us carriers of abuse trauma, my friend goes through a lot of friendships, but manages to maintain many more long term relationships than me. She maintains a posse of men with whom she finds co-dependent satisfaction, so every now and again, like I used to say, she’ll declare to me that she needs no one else but the men friends she has. I on the other hand enjoys my own company, or have learned to enjoy it, and ever since I can remember never know what it is like to be bored. I don’t miss people. I prefer to connect on the phone or internet, but at the same time don’t mind providing a space for people to come and heal and enjoy.

I hadn’t talked to to that friend for a long time, but found the need to call her up while I was going through this episode. And what I felt was that she was lashing out at me, in a seemingly diplomatic way. The way I’m sure I’d done to her in the past. I wanted to get her up-to-date with where my life was, and while in the end she did enjoy hearing the not so good things that I was experiencing, before I got to telling her such things, I had to endure a barrage of seemingly insensitive jabs. Throughout the time that my friend was spewing what seemed like innuendos and sarcasm, she was also stating repeatedly how at peace with herself she is, and how much she loves herself and care no more for anyone who does not do same. Since she and I had had many discussions about being Me and You Oriented, and I suggested that she was Me oriented and I you oriented, I couldn’t help thinking that she was trying to let me know that since I had stopped answering her phone calls and emails for so long, after telling her I would be on a two months sabbatical, that I wasn’t needed in her life anymore. I wasn’t as annoyed with her not so subtle insensitivity I realized. Nonetheless, I couldn’t identify the peace of mind she was alluding to, that came from total self love. There’s just too many of us who need to heal yesterday, I realized in talking to her. And with that realization on the phone with her, my discomfort in what she was saying disappeared before our conversation ended.

Do Nice Guys Have To Continue Being The Biggest Losers?

It is obvious that just as slave masters died wealthy and at least from the outside happier than those they enslaved, so too do most victims of sexual abuse go to their graves with much unresolved mind pain, while their victimizers (at least on the outside) seem to suffer from no discomforts of remorse. The same thing goes for all other kinds of victims and victimizers, it seems.

Many victims of childhood sexual abuse, whose lives were literally destroyed, (which led to adult crimes they committed) snapped at some point, and violently lashed out. Some of us as myself might be doing a similar type of lashing out, when we finally tell off a perceived abuser and walk away from a livelihood or relationship. On the other hand, my friend on the phone was also lashing out in a more passive verbal way. None of those ways will end any of our mind pains however.

It is therefore imperative that society starts to teach it in schools, religious organizations and all other institutions that serves to inform mankind, new methods that aid us in overriding and overruling painful negative post traumatic feelings, that cause so many of us to lash out on others or ourselves, then still end up in pain.

                       From PTSAS To PHABS In Six Weeks

It has taken me 5 of my 6 decades of living to get to this point, where I now know that depression will never again keep me down and out, as it once did. What took place over the past few weeks for me is the express way to remove what I couldn’t for all those years before. And yet; while I know for sure that there’s an express method for humanity to install any new preference we may come up with, it is my wish that someone with the right training will read and ponder my zigzagging accounting, to find the the tool I used, but might have the method scattered all over in what I write. Remembering that I was writing our of chaos and frustration, so one with a more stable mind, can do better at logical sequence than I have.

I also know that it will require a quantum jump in consciousness, for the majority to switch in a few days as I did. So I’ll refrain from suggesting that anyone should do so, without more development and refinement, for sufferers of Post Traumatic Sexual Abuse Syndrome, to become Permanently Happy And Blissful Souls:

Just remember always, that at any moment, anyone can wake up and hop on the express route of change. Whereby old truths can atrophy from lack of attention, and thus allow the vacuum created to accept new truths. It must also be acknowledged that for all of those decades when I felt that I was stagnating, I was slowly synthesizing all of the new things that I was learning. Now I see that what is described as “inspiration out of the blue” might be nothing but a culmination of incremental growth changes, that manifested in what seem like instantaneously out of the blue.

Make Up And Tell More Stories Of What Is Wanted, More Than Telling The Truthful Stories About What Is

While it is more expedient to get what is wanted, by envisioning, and using all of your senses to appreciate it, as if you already have it, many will have to continue for longer to tell the current truth. This needs to be allowed after allowing the person to be educated about how he’s attracting more of what he’s talking about, when he could just as easily tell of what is wanted instead, and also attract more of same.

Others might have to stop being afraid of owning that the event happened, and crediting it to the correct perpetrator, before that one can even have the need to hear solutions. For such persons a Truth and Reconciliation team they may have to set up in their minds, to understand that its not about shaming and blaming, but rather allowing a fuller Truth to set them free.

One person by herself will experience dramatic changes by voicing the new preference in words, beliefs and attitudes. No one need mass approval or company to gain change. And this is so, because we’re more energy than physical beings. So our greater inner self was never compromised by any  bad experience; thus there’s solid footing for the new reality to get rooted      in and thrive.

Had we been taught that there are centers of power inside us, which remain uncorrupted, by whatever experience we’re passing through, we’d waste no time holding onto experiences of suffering, or praying to any outside power to do for us what we have the power inside to do. Those who succeed consistently have much faith and trust in their own inner powers, no matter how much they may seem to pray to the outside source that others who fail consistently pray to also. So it has been clear for a long time that feeling good about one’s self and one’s abilities correlates to success more often than not, with or without belief in God.

It is therefore clear that how we think has a lot to do with how we sustain happiness and success, and it needs to be repeated more often by those who’ve tried this and overcome, for those who can’t believe it to know that it has been done more often than they know. Very few would need to spend their whole lives anymore reliving pain, and suffering about the same events that have long past.

Which, I repeat; at any moment, we can accept our eternal, incorruptible, inner selves as being like our computer hardware, which cannot be infected by the virus infecting the programs, and programs can easily be cleaned up or changed, without destroying the structure in which the software is housed, which in turn has programs installed.

We can quickly get back to realigning outer physical to inner greater self, by starting to trust gut feelings as indicator for what is best for us, and what should be left alone. We can start by trusting that we already have sufficient support; to individually, embark on the least traveled road, and win.

Instead of denying or wrestling our minds to forget current truths, those truths will be stated, in hopes that you’ll better choose updated realities, as we travel the scenic drama filled routes with lots of detours. Get off at any time (that enough    feels like enough for you) to the Express Lane.

The terror of sexual trauma directly and indirectly, affects generations. Since mothers whose minds are so infected ooze dysfunctions unto their children and regular acquaintances as well as on jobs.

As I have stated multiple times before, the true numbers of adults directly affected globally would be staggering if correctly tabulated, or even just by conservative count. Then compound any amount by centuries of ignorance about it; and it will be clear, that no one could’ve escaped.

This is therefore a Global mental and economic pandemic; that needs to be Globally addressed YESTERYEAR; if world peace, justice and prosperity   we now prefer; to replace constant anxiety, unease, injustice, poverty and mayhem, that so many experience every day.

Abuse trauma I now believe, is at the root of more problems than we can count. It’s at the root of racism, sexism as well as homophobia and more. Its at the root of Mental health challenges of all kinds especially schizophrenia; inability to stick to jobs, therefore lack of financial stability. Food addiction, drug addiction, rapes and sex addictions, obesity, diabetes, psychopathic, sociopathic, cold-hearted leaders of Corporations and Countries who so frequently have control over masses of mankind.

Truth Shouldn’t Be Hard To Swallow If Our Preference Is Freedom

Recent self-analysis has caused me to see that, while I’ve always striven to be the most peace-inducing, love-emitting, wonderful-to-be-around person, I always managed to enter situations where points of contention awaited, which when confronted by my presence, increase what was there when I arrived.

Now this does not mean that I am saying that I alone was the problem due to being the common denominator. No! The things I pointed out were always known by others, and to some who might not have realized, they too eventually came to see. However, unless the improvements I suggested, were accepted instantly, I made them into constant complaints, then condemnation –even if I managed to not voice another word.

And yet in all my years I’ve NEVER been fired. Because, while I complained and usually try to leave a few times before I finally did it; the quantity and quality of my work was always excellent. Plus, what I point out could not be rejected for any good reason. I was usually the “good employee” who was hard to find. Consequently, only once after quitting, had someone decided that my quitting was a firing.

This last time of departure however, has enabled me to sit back and deeply self-reflect. And what I see is not easy to accept about myself.

             Law Of Attraction Says That Like Attract Like

I can honestly say that I was attracting people and situations that matched the per-conceived needs and notions already in my head. My inability to rid my mind of the conditioning installed from enduring sexual abuse, seem to have left me perceiving a world to not be trusted. A world that is filled with sick people who will take advantage of another’s weakness or vulnerability    if they get the opportunity. With those default feelings, and very little persistent focus on my own need for happiness and success, I repeatedly got swept up in situations to match my predominant thoughts, and to which I responded by stewing in righteous indignation for a while, before I felt that I could take it no more, and had to sever ties in some sort of dramatic way. As I now look back and see how often these things happen to so many, I know beyond a shadow of doubt that the majority, if not all of mankind is affected by sexual trauma in varying degrees, or trauma of many other kinds.

In the past, after I left, I’d enter a long and deep phase of depression. This time, depression seem to be trying to come in, but I just can’t go there anymore. At least not in the familiar ways of being completely overwhelmed with self-pity, lethargy and wondering about the reason for me to continue living. Sometimes after getting out of depression, I’d think of calling up people and say I’m sorry. This time (since I know so much better, and have let everyone else off the hook) I will not embark on a list of apologies; (like the character in the show My Name Is Earl). Instead, I’ll do myself and all a favor, by working daily from now on to completely heal my mind without drugs that succeeded without, so far.

Forget It And Move On Is A Cliche That No One Seem To Know How To Teach Anyone To Do

I’ve been told that drugs could’ve helped me cope better. And that many with Post Traumatic Sexual Abuse Syndrome have been medicated to success. Fortunately or unfortunately the one time I sought professional help, I was asked by a Psychiatrist why couldn’t I forget about the things I told him and move on.

This was after telling him that I often have thoughts of suicide or killing the person who sexually abused me. It was also 30 years ago, which I now appreciate that he wasn’t more empathetic to place me on medications for life; which would’ve disallowed the healing that I have gradually attained. Recently I’ve also come to understand, that a lot of survivors have suicide/murder ideations. Many succeeding with murders or other crimes worthy to have them now sitting in prisons worldwide.

How Did I Find So Many Lofty Goals To Worry About And Not Go Mad?

Universal love and peace on earth were never just dreams to me. Those are realities that I felt that mass ignorance is disallowing. And if only I could tell what I knew, then critical mass intention could manifest heaven on earth in this lifetime. Such egotistical arrogance is the greatest of burden or insanity –I now see. And yet it is one belief I don’t want to change, and I will continue to work towards that end.

Maybe adults whose childhood held the least security seek such things the most. We think that the lack we feel is felt by others, and our constant awareness of absences, bring us more evidence to confirm our per-conceived beliefs. Yet, with what I now know, I realize that as an obsessive thinker, I can now obsessively hold better preferences all day everyday, instead of worrying about what is lacking and what is currently bad.

If we’re governed by natural laws, like Law of Attraction which bring into our awareness evidence to confirm our thoughts, feelings and beliefs; then I can see why “faking it” will eventually allow one to “make it”. That statement in essence would only be envisioning a new preference, holding it in our awareness, while applying to it all our senses, and do so daily until it manifests.

I always knew that I was a great mental burden to myself, with obsessive worrying. Now I see that I was also to the opposite thinkers with whom I interact. And I don’t yet know why it had to take all of this time for me to understand. But now it seem like I’ve done in a few days, what eluded me for decades. Maybe I was trying to force out unwanted thoughts from my head. But we all know that telling someone to not notice something, compels the person to do just that. Now I see that I should’ve been envisioning a new reality, then stay focused on that reality assiduously, or at least get back on it whenever I realize that I’d inevitably strayed.

Better Late Than Never Will Always Be True

Sometimes things happens that make others tell us, that one day we’ll look back, appreciate and laugh. That time came to me, precipitated by a failed relationship, which was co-mingled with my job and place of abode.

Manic-pressured writing resulted; to remove brain strain and internal war. So far, in this story, I have zigzagged from one awareness to another, I changed my title and added one more introduction many times. But this was the possible state of temporary insanity that I went through, after forcing myself to accept that one more job I enjoyed had to end. Still it wouldn’t be fun to take my fall alone. I couldn’t help pointing out others faults too, since we who need so much healing, can’t escape the many areas in society, that see not need to be sensitive about the unknown needs in those they employ. Mostly though, I have self-psycho-analyzed through mental mazes, as well side and back doors. In the end, I oozed much mental junk, to finally ease my mind.

The Past Has Great Lessons If You Objectively Self-Reflect

Some say there’s no good reason to look back, while others say that ignoring the past, is sure to make it return. So as I look at past events to make sense of what happened; I know that poison was turned into medicine for current and future use.

Past decades have been painfully disappointing; but today, even in the midst of what’s unveiling, being at odds with my self has substantially decreased -as if to say; “it matters not what happened yesterday, yesteryear or the last moment, what matters is that my outer and inner aspects are realigned”.

From this clean point of zero, I’ve put into practice what I often preached. I’ve claimed a new reality, filled with wonderful journeys. I’m tasting the new preferences, as already realized; and in a few years, I hope we’ll meet again, to recap.

I’ve claimed a mansion to accommodate the new me. I’m enjoying the money that flows to my bank account everyday. I’m transformed to the first day of forever; permanently changed for better; and of that I’m sure.

As I Look Back Two Years, Lessons Are Getting Clear

Two years ago I switched within the Health Care Industry, after 30 years of caring for chronically declining elderly folks. I gained Consumers and not Patients, or elderly Residents I was informed. And consumers do not need the same kind of care and concern, as the community of people I had left behind.

In the beginning I looked forward to working with a partner, who only had a few years of health care history, which he acquired late in life. I thought he would appreciate my expertise gained from years of experience. Yet he insisted that my long history of elderly caregiving, could not transfer to his able-bodied and younger niche

My suggestions for improvement were soon irritating my partner; like when I suggested that the walking space for a very obese man, presents a “fall risk”, with all that was piled on both sides. “You all need to lose weight to negotiate obstacles better” he retorted, and my response (meant to sting him) did just that, which escalated an argument of nonsense, to greater vocal heights.

The more I protested, the more his resistance increased. My ideas didn’t apply to his situation; he stated –but rather, to Alzheimer residents, who often couldn’t voice needs, so alleviating potential fall risk as if for the elderly was ridiculous.

And it wasn’t even that I asked him to make the majority of changes. I took it upon myself to make changes in housekeeping that I really thought he would appreciate from a woman who likes to clean, and who is good at organizing the stuff of others, even when I don’t for myself.

However, he seem to appreciate changes only for a short while, then would deliberately revert the condition to what it was before. I would then point out why I just made the change instead of telling him, or asking him to do it. But he could have no changes that he did not initiate. Which were few to none.

We were daily engaged in monumental ego clashes, in which I was bound to loose, since he’d been that way for 5 years, with no complaints from multiple visiting professionals. I was therefore suspicious, annoying and mostly overruled.

Maybe I was using a gun to kill a mosquito. Since many suggestions that made sense to me, were excessive in his eyes. We had opposite complementary strengths which was a good thing, I told him. But a bully I must’ve seemed to him, since his denials, and refusals to appreciate obvious improvements, boggled my mind.

It’s hard to ignore potential dangers that can easily be corrected, but which you’re forced to igore, because you realize that resistance for the sake of resistance is another’s M.O. Many of his ways made chores harder, and maintained too many unnecessary challenges to carefully negotiate. And yet, abundant evidence for ease of execution, and more safety were to no avail.

Life Has Unlimited Right Choices To Fit Unique Designs

Many distinctions for humans have been coined over millenniums. And no individual is so simple to be just one thing. And to the fund of distinctions, I’m suggesting, that individuals are dominantly oriented as: Me, You or We. With a balance of Me and You, being key to true happiness and peace

Me is like the selfish stage where growing toddlers seek independence. After which “You” develops where teenagers mostly want to please peers. Good balance of Me and You produces interdependent Wes. And heaven I believe, is when the interdependence of WE dominates.

Being Healthily Selfish Is Good

A child will healthily grow from Me to share his belongings. And it is crucial that that first state (of Me) be allowed. Corruption of this stage by sexual and other childhood traumas, disallow healthy self-loving to flourish, into healthy adult lives.

By repeatedly giving secret pleasures to others in childhood, many learned to seek love from “Outside In”; instead of “Inside Out”. We blame ourselves for the crime that was perpetrated; which linked “guilt with pleasure” & “empathy with shame”, and therefore a strong need to condemn.

Many of us are overly sensitive to perceived pain in others. And the giver of such pain becomes akin to evil in our often self-righteous eyes. It seems that  we over empathize with the receiver of the pain, maybe to reconcile our inability to stop the abuse we endured. So now we feel pain for the receiver, which we make our responsible to correct. Most often this is done in such a “holier than thou” way, that it only makes matters worse. And then we end up feeling worse about ourselves, and worse still, as we tried and failed to get any other on our side, and thus the need to flee, from perceived collective hate.

               Trimethylaminuria or Body Malodors

Trimethylainuria is a disorder in which the body is unable to break down trimethylamine, a chemical compound that has a pungent odor. The odor can interfere with many aspects of personal, work and social life. Some people with TMAU experience depression and social isolation as a result     of this condition”  http://ghr.nlm.nih.gov/condition/trimethylaminuria.

Getting out and facing the world was a monumental job for me. So I did it only when I absolutely had to. I stayed away from most social gatherings, and dreaded going to work during my monthly periods, as the odor seem    to be unbearable to my own nose then. Becoming a recluse except when I had to venture out to work, was mis-construed as a lack of ambition to some who knew me closely.

On jobs, I have been asked multiple times, why I did not go forward to become an RN, instead of a CNA, when I was so good at what I do. No one could understand the pressures I had to daily overcome just to be at whatever level I was. Thus I became an annoyance, to any whom I suggested what they should do. I gained no respect from arguing for the betterment of humanity; since efforts for my own betterment, discerning eyes could see that I suppressed.

Focus On A Better Preference When What You See Displease

Now I look back on the strain I placed on my children, throughout their formative years, at a time when I hadn’t even acknowledged my own problems. They were compelled to listen endlessly to fears I projected.  Often filling their heads with such, before sleep.

Today, I see clearly that parents affected as I was, attend to our children’  and our needs lastly. While on our words, all others can count. Healthy boundaries we rarely establish. So our time and resources are always available to all, but those close. And sadly, such dysfunctions are often praised as conscientious and nice.

Too many children are still trapped in homes of daily crazy-making; by parents who mean no harm, but nonetheless that’s what they do. Many end up using drugs to ease the constant confusion they’re exposed to. Which starts a road of State manufactured criminals for “For Profit Prisons”;     where a majority enter for non-violent self-sabotaging actions; but leave criminalized, because of crimes on their lives, that prisons could not; or did not disallow.

Before Complaining Look At The One In Your Mirror

Attempts for my partner to incorporate more all-round best practices, met with his stubborn resistance, and this increased our residents’ stress, when we both argued to prove ourselves right. This was similar to children living  in unhappy households with miserable parents, who refuse to get help, or split.

This I would’ve easily seen if others were doing it to those in their care. But  I completely failed to see how I was an equal co-perpetrator this time, by escalating instead of de-escelating my partner’s resistant modes. Worse, I just couldn’t shut up once I got started, and even continued in his absence it was pointed out to me. So now, when I say that these things are extensive in society, I am no longer excluding myself.

I Admit My Wrongs And Now I Invite The World To Admit And Change Too

Walmart is now accused of a culture of cruelty to low paid workers. Plus Wall Street Bankers and many Corporations and Politicians, are accused of caring only about personal profits, while millions have lost, and will continue to loose current shelter, nest eggs and peace of mind. Such things are all due to insatiable greed a lack of mutual love for all members of the organism called mankind, and failure to apply the Golden Rule, when in doubt of the right action for those with whom we interact. In the end though, whose many workers who’re already carriers of abuse trauma do work in these places, where no one is winning when uncaring employers and work places, meet already traumatized employees.

Opportunities abound in the Corporate world, to help traumatized workers enjoy a better life, which will translate to them satisfying the company’s financial bottom lines. And how much more injustice should some people take, before society realizes the generational all encompassing traumas we’re forcing so many to needlessly endure?

Many school children are suffering from parental and societal instability because of recent financial meltdowns. And those who were historically suffering the most –regardless of economy, are still experiencing the greatest toll. So there are countless places in society for all to unite and review the images looking at us from our mirrors. Then decide on new preferences to establish changes for the betterment of all.

Do Better When We Know Better, Without Holding Onto Guilt

Sometimes it’s hard to see that we’re concurrently undermining what we seek. And sometimes, as I’m now doing, no one wants to single out herself. Consequently, I am calling on society to let us all wake up together; and start to see where the Golden Rule we’re not applying as we could.

No longer do we need to let Democrat and Republican, Atheist, Christian, Buddhist or Muslim, Black, Red, Brown, Yellow or White designations, keep us from symbiotically applying the Universal Golden Rule. And, maybe I’ve now become more We Oriented, therefore interdependence excites me most. No longer does anyone need to feel ashamed about what someone else points out as a negative in him. Instead any can decide on a new course right away, knowing that with just one unexpected change in his/her life, he could be the one at the mercy of a conscientious person, to apply the Golden Rule to his life.

Prisons Don’t Have To Be Government Sanctioned Cruelty Pens

Again, many non-violent youths are being raped and brutalized in prisons. So as a society, what preference can we intend for them; knowing they’ll leave prisons angry and hurting to inflict on others what they endured?  How can we get better from prisons for all who go there, from now?

Prison as punishment for drug use to ease mind pain, guarantees recidivism. Since it lacks intention to treat all inhabitants humanely. Or rehabilitate their minds to cope better in society on release. Many were born into dysfunctional and violent homes and communities. So when they commit non-violent infractions and get brutalized in prisons; prisons are essentially a cruel joke; that no Government should be imposing on those it serve. What new preferences can mass consciousness now bring about?

You-Oriented Caregivers Blow Up From Perception Of Too Little Love.We Don’t Get Burned Out From Too Much Of Work We Love

While a “You” oriented mother may not be effective at child rearing; she’ll excel at giving compassionate attention to non-kin in pain. Her compassionate observations will identify desires unvoiced, which were overlooked by many others. And her caregiving skills will be from excellent to above. But put her in situations where she does not feel like she is allowing love to flow through her work, and her efforts will aggravate, and no longer heal or soothe.

Good and Bad Are Only Personal Meaning We Decide

See nothing as bad or wrong, is the motto I’m now trying to digest. This is hard, unless we see every experience as agreement between, giver and receiver, whether they’re aware of past interactions or not. And that includes even discrimination, genocide and abuse.

Everyone has power, to choose a new preference, when he decides. What might seem like abuse in the eyes of an overly sensitive person, may be welcomed reprieve to the one who receives. He could be mentally requesting what the sensitive is observing, as a way to exert some control in his life; or something else.

I always indulged too much in the pain of others; which didn’t make things better, and probably made it worse. But now that I do understand why that defeated my intended purpose; I’ll retreat inside, when I perceive what I have no power over; then reinforce and emit to my surroundings, feelings   of love and peace

You Won’t Win, If First You Register Even Silent Condemnation

I once worked in a facility where the owners ate rice almost every day. Yet one Caribbean resident who also preferred rice, was always denied. And it didn’t matter that he rarely ate the food on the approved menu. They insisted on serving him only what the others preferred

My request on the resident’s behalf was not appreciated. And soon they started to deprive him of more things in subtle ways. Ways; that if reported would be hard to prove that “deliberate intention” was involved. Therefore I’d be left looking like a trouble making fool. So again I interrupted my livelihood without reporting. Since (like claims of racism) burden to prove deliberate intent is hard.

I now see that had I not attached condemnation to my empathy; when I petitioned for the resident, condemnation wouldn’t be oozing from my words and body language, to offend. I could’ve tried to understand the reason for their resistance, and maybe helped them get in the resident’s shoes. But instead I was a spotlight on what they wouldn’t agree that described them, so they rejected my unvoiced chastisement; and recriminated instead.

Nothing is wrong with trying to help someone see things another way. But it is not useful to fixate on perceived wrongdoing of another, as if that one doesn’t have other things that are good too. Whatever we highlight in another, we must get more evidence of. And that would be good for society to consider when those in power make it their business to mostly condemn those they want to control. Enough jails cannot be made to control people who’ve historically been condemned from Womb to Tomb. And at some point leaders who thinks they should condemn and control out of their own internal FEARS, will find that they will not have enough money or resources to contain all of those they fears.

The Golden Rule Application, Ensures Universal Right Codes

Our inconsistent mores help little to reconcile dilemmas of conscience, as Assange and Manning’s revelation of Government wrongs reveal. God also has immunity from things he declares as sins for humans. But reporting abuse in elderly care is an obligation we must obey; after being trained to accept wrongs from Government and God; as honorable, divine, patriotic, obedient and civilized.

Such schizophrenic morality, causes many to not report a majority of what is considered abuse in elderly care. Unless it is so severe that no ambiguity prevails. Also the level of stress in this field that induces such a high turn over, often allow some known abusers to be accepted, since often they will remain longer than those who’ll do the work with conscience and love.

Why Did I Induce Turmoil, When Being Nice Was My Intent

More than being nice, seek to be a true instrument of peace. Being nice is very overrated, as far as I can now see; since some of the nicest persons are the least nice to themselves. Consequently, the energy we’re emitting lack the power to attract nice.

We perceive too much pain and injustice all around us. Thus, our injustice- tuned antennas reveal to us more of what we belive. So never let it matter to you how many selfless acts you’ve committed. Nor if the needs of others you often put before your own

It should matter not that without the Bible; your brother and sister’s keeper you always reinforce. Being labelled nice is the decision of others, and no business of yours. Don’t clarify your niceness, when your good intentions go awry, as the more you seek validation, the more you’ll be ignored and denied

Be nice from a place of not needing reciprocity or validation. And if you get it, accept in placid repose. Matter or fact, stop seeking validation in every other area of life. You’re with you 24/7, so who is better to know you -than you?

Decide on who you want to be and daily become it. And honor your incremental progress, in silence to yourself. When you know that you’ve changed, you will be tempted to confirm it. So begin every day from now   on, envisioning how you’ll be all day

I Was Experiencing A Manic And Pressured Week When:

A friend told me that I’m an aggressive asserter, who tries to recruit others  to accept my viewpoints. I asked if that isn’t what all do, when we tell our side of a story. But she says that, like a religious fanatic, I repeat it every day leaving no room for one, to ponder, accept, negate or escape.

At first I rejected her assessment as an indictment; since Bi-Polar is what others suggested, but not her. And while I do engage in what must be pressured speaking; my friend thinks that my M.O.

She was unwilling to credit a mental malfunction that can be corrected.   And her assessment of me, seem to suggest consciously manufactured and programmed pathology, which at first I resisted, just as my partner did to me. And yet of late, I have to admit that I’ve written, spoken and complained ad nauseum; never minding if anyone wanted to hear me or not.

And I know that I do make points with abundant supporting data, even going back in time for historical support. Showing how an outcome could’ve been happier for all humans, with the Golden Rule applied, instead of authority figure appease.

And maybe I do not allow recess when I get started. I explain why it’s important to inform in depth; by saying -for example: others have imparted critical information to me; for which I didn’t ask, but found to be right

My friend says that often I insult others with my declarations, which I can see would be at those times; when my good intentions were decried or undermined. In which case, the Eye For An Eye retort, feels right

But that has never been my deepest yearning. I do not want to return to another the pain I endured. And what if I had a mistaken perception, where no deliberate intent was meant? My preference today is to remain changed forever more.

So, I’ll respond with more consideration from this moment onward. Even if I’m sure that another attempted my demise. What happened already none can make unhappen. While energy emitted, attract more of its kind –nonetheless

How many times have I unleashed words to inflict pain in equal measure; to the pain I felt someone was responsible for activating in me? And this was while I was aware that happiness lies inside me; and can’t be compromised by anyone from outside.

An erroneous conclusion of another, is a lie about that other. And truth released as condemnation does not heal or correct -I know. And yet, I’ve separated often from those I hurt; without reconciliation, to hibernate in depression, with mounting bills unpaid.

Thankfully, this time is different; peace is restored before I depart. But still  I ask, why didn’t I leave when things first started to decline? And, was there no other way for me to get the clarity I now possess?

Jealousy I must confess, threw me into rage this time; when a female friend of my partner (who didn’t like me to begin with), attempted to remove my name from a deed, before I did it on my own. With that my gloves went on, and all hell broke loose in my mind.

I envisioned them laughing about me together. And how dare them do such a thing? I was the best partner to assist him I debated to myself and others. But if that were true, wouldn’t he have easily realized all along. It didn’t help to recruit others to convince him to go against his will. Yet in what must’ve been a temporary state of insanity, I did.

Running from a bad situation ALWAYS takes one directly to another. Because whatever thinking is percolating will attract more of its kind. So when in rage, shame or regret focus foremost to regain happy. Then while happy, envision the new preferences unfolding for you.

In thinking about it now, one son once stated, that at times I lay guilt-trips. I was often impulsive, yet indecisive with important decision for my life. My sons are now grown men with their own family. Thankfully, the dysfunctional parenting they endured, did not impact them so badly for them to have become familiar with the revolving doors of prisons which is the reality for so many now in Prisons and Jails. I also know that my sons both wonder daily if I’ll ever stay in one place long enough; where they can easily find me, without having to hunt me down. I know I will soon. And I have full faith in myself that this time will be the last.

Focus On A Better Preference To What Exists For Better To Come

It will not be easy to remain happy while feeling assaulted and rejected. You’d rather talk to everyone about being unduly victimized. Yet your “true” story is attracting more of what you’re stating. While better preferences, could be the reality you soon enjoy. Obsessing on the faults in others, bring more faults into view. He/she will not be inspired to treat you any better than you state.

You’re attracting more of what your thoughts are emitting -remember. Since we’re governed by natural laws, which do not take sides or mitigate. Those laws are exactly like your GPS system, that does not care how many times you’ve failed to heed what it states. Nor if others see you as a chronic dysfunctional failure. It’ll get you there, if you register your destination from where you’re at.

It’s worth repeating that feeling happy is your most important duty. Every day, no matter what else is demanding your time. From a happy state your work will be lighter and health better. Love will be sweeter and anxiety and fear will more quickly subside.

So make it your daily goal to start off happy and remain happy. Decide that no matter what you’re observing, or with whom you interact, you’ll envision happy outcomes to all that you look at or indulge, even if others seem intent to bring you down; and temporarily succeed.

When you must leave a situation, get happy and concretely decide. Don’t yield to the voice in your head with its familiar deceit. If the reason you had for leaving still exists; then leave. You will not improve a situation by succumbing to default bad habits. And lasting happiness is what’s important, not temporary ego boost.

Consider that the fear that tries to stop you, is not about your failure, but rather about the greater potential that when realized, might shock even you. Stop trying to force others to accept the good you offer. When many are refusing you, and you know that good is all that is on your mind to give, get quiet and surrender action to quiet meditation of relaxation. Know for sure that greater powers are behind all of such direct and indirect rejections. Consider that your time has come, and even though you can’t see or know it, the greater power that is you, knows.

When you’re first transforming; bliss will be infrequent and fleeting. And you may return often, to ways you thought you’d overcome. That’s understandable, since much momentum the old you had built up, to be the most active default. Just commit to repeatedly start over until you overrule and delete, or deactivate the old.

It is next to impossible to forget unwanted thoughts by trying directly. But you’ll gradually achieve it, by putting your obsession on things preferred. So try to clarify what you’re really wanting, hopefully not who rejects you. And don’t give up when past pain insist on clinging to your heart and soul. Repeated returns to your new preferences will eventually take root and override.

The Past Few Days Of Brain Strain Has Been Good -After All

A few days have passed since 1/31/15, when the journey for clarity I engaged.
I feel much better, but find that I must be ever mindful to not backslide. I’m
staying put until late March, since much I have to pack and transfer. I’ve succeeded in voicing no more opinions about anything to my partner. But it’s still a commitment I have to be assiduously mindful of everyday.

Each day’s clarity has alerted me to expand the truths I first divulged. When I first started on 1/31/15, I was only trying to tell a personal story to help ease the pain in my mind. But at no point while I told it, did I get away from including so much of other painful realities that I know exist in the world for many right now too. Those situations too need more focus got development of new preferences. In looking squarely at my wrongs, I was able to become the person I’d wanted to become for so long. I now know for sure, that it doesn’t need to take so much time for anyone to change anymore. We can all do it, if we want it, and if we try.

And to all whom I offended when I was manic and pressure expressing I apologize from the depths of my heart. It was never your responsibility to give me peace and make me happy. Those are responsibility I failed to maintain, but no more!!

I was anxious, panicked, feeling slighted and unleashed venomous attacks. Mercury was also still retrograding, which I don’t well understand. But on 1/31/2015, my mind was self-reflecting and detoxing, and it kept depression at bay. And today, I can declare for sure, that it was more than good!!

P.S. At this time many are hoping and praying that Bobbi Christina (Whitney Huston’s daughter) will pull through. And as I think about it, I realize that the world really needs new ways of releasing hidden and chronic pains, that so easily overwhelms so many minds.

You Never Know What Will Unfold Next In Your Live. Choose To Forgive And Love More

It is now Thursday 2/12/15. A few days ago, my ex told me that his Kidneys are only working at 45% capacity. Down by 20% from last year. I was unaware that he had such kidney concerns. Sensing that his ego might prevent him from asking me to remain, now that he’s going to soon need someone like me to enable him to keep his business going, I suggested to him that since my name is still on the license, (as request to remove me had not yet materialized) that I would remain if he calls or writes to cancel that request.

If he’s incapacitated and doesn’t have a relief who’s already registered to be a relief person, and one who can remain full time on his behalf, then his license will have to be called in within 24 hours. Knowing his finances, I realize that he wouldn’t even be able to afford to stay in his own facility, plus his degree of incapacitation may not even make him a right candidate for his own place. So it is crucial that his only source of income be maintained to support any recovery or permanent diminished capacity that he may have to face.

My partner flatly refused my offer, for me to remain. While I have always pointed out that we both behaved badly, and both need to change; and while I have remained a lot more quiet since the last day of Jan. he still does not show any sign that he has any ability to self-reflect and accept responsibility for any part of what went wrong; much less to swallow his pride, and think of what’s best for his consumers’ as well as his own best interest, as a deteriorating 76 years old man.

It is now clear that he never intended to make any of the changes that needs to be made; as even with imminent deterioration, he would rather cut off his nose to spite his face. At this point I know that his inability to let love flow through him more than anger and hate, would heal him more quickly than anything else. But unfortunately, he may not be able to do any such thing.

At this point, I feel that this story will need annual updates. I turned myself inside out, around and around and upside down, and am very pleased with what resulted. Now more than ever I see how it is important to ensure that we allow good and loving feelings to flow through our bodies at all time.

In the midst of feeling angry and hurt we must do whatever it takes to feel better. I wish that I can impart this to my ex. but he’s chosen to be even more resistant than when I used to change things, or ask him to. At this time I am grateful that I no longer believe that this time on earth is our first time, and eternal life is a long shot. We’re all eternal energy beings having a human experience. Some will evolve to feel and emit greater amounts of love and bliss in this lifetime, while many others will come back again to do it here on earth or somewhere else. In the end its OK. Everyone has free will to choose to express the energy of Love more than anything else -or not. At the same time, as long as we keep focused on our new and better preferences mostly in a spirit of love and joy, we’ll be mostly OK at minimum.